I know i need to eat... im not stupid... but i just cant the thought of shovelling food into me makes me feel sick.
I hate how food can have such a control over me... but i love it.
I know im not morbidly obese... but it sure as hell looks like it to me.
I used to love being told i looked nice... but i hate them so much because its all one big lie
Over the past year ive got more and more OCD... nothing major just little stuff... in school i'll write in my exercise books and if i make the tinniest spelling mistake i rip it out and start again, even if its underlining in a colour that doesnt suit or even if ive already re written it 10 times.
Things have to be in patterns, the other day i tipped out the entire contents of a quality streets chocolate box... dont worry didnt eat any... but had to arrange it so it was completely symetrical,
blues, oranges, oranges, reds, golds, golds, purples, browns, greens, green triangles
I dont know what i think about what im turning into... and yet im happy because i know at the end of my life i will be thin... no matter WHAT.